Our Story from Start to Beyond the Grave: If Tomorrow Never Comes (7)

Morning came and along with it came a change in our usual interaction with each other. There was no playfulness, not the same intensity of happiness, and not many words were exchanged between us.  We embraced each other as heaviness lingered over us. The end of our time together was coming closer, we both were all too aware. I was almost frightened to look into his beautiful eyes for fear that tears would spill from mine. I hated having to let him go and I hated even more that he had to leave me to go into work. I wanted, I needed to cherish every moment that we had left. Even then it would never be enough. Before he left for work, we said our goodbyes and I love you to one another. As soon as the door closed, the emptiness began. My heart was breaking. My soul felt incomplete. How could I ever go back to the way things used to be after being in his arms, feeling his loving embrace every day? Feeling quite depressed, I decided to stay in the motel room all day. Somehow it was comforting to be in the room where we had shared so many special moments. I picked up my journal to record and relive every minute in detail. I poured out all of the emotions that I was feeling onto that paper. I finished my entry and found myself walking to where his after shave stood on the bathroom sink. I picked it up and sprayed it on the page next to where I had my memories now in print. I took a minute to inhale his scent.  The scent of him sent tingles all through my body as I remembered our nights together. Later, it would bring me comfort, as I would open my journal to that page where like a time machine, I would travel back to all the wonderful days we had spent together. I’m thankful that I did that, for it gave me such happiness. Unfortunately, the scent vanished over the years, but the pages of our profound love still remain.

I busied myself once again by watching my favorite channel, it was the local channel that told about the town. I found myself fantasizing about what it would be like to pick up roots and move to Texas.  It would be so nice to never be apart again and share each day together. It would be a literal dream come true. I would love nothing more than seeing him off to work each day and greeting him when he came home with a long lingering kiss. I could only imagine what it would feel like to fall asleep in his arms each night and wake up to the man who had become my whole world every morning.  

I remember when we spoke on the phone for the first time. We both wanted to make it clear, that marriage was the last thing on our minds. We both had been there and done that and it hadn’t worked out for either of us. It was clear that if either of us had that thought in mind, then we’d best be on our way to find someone else who could accommodate that wish. We happily agreed we were on the same page and were sincere about it. After a couple of days in Wichita Falls, I no longer felt the same. I indeed wanted to marry Jace Shelton and make him my Mister. Of course, I didn’t tell him. I kept it my secret, locked inside, until of course, he asked me to marry him a few years later. But even if he had wanted to just live together, which we had talked about during the second year of our relationship, I would have accepted that and been just as happy. One thing I was certain of, he was “The One.”

I had put it off for as long as I could, I had to start packing for my flight back to California. As much as I wanted to stay longer, I would be leaving the next day. I didn’t want to pack while Jace*—- was with me; it would be a waste of precious time we had left with each other. So, with much despair I carefully put each item back into my suitcase. I left out a nice dress to wear to dinner that night as Jace*—- mentioned that he wanted to take me out to eat at a nice restaurant that served “Surf and Turf.” I finished packing, took a shower and got ready for my love as he would be coming home from work shortly. I knew I wanted to look my best for our last night together. All ready to go, I patiently waited for the sound of his Bronco to pull up.

I heard my Jace*—- roll up in his truck and my heart began to beat a little faster. I couldn’t wait for him to walk through the door so I could once again, take his face into my hands and kiss him with all the desire that had been building up inside of me the whole day. His desire was the same as mine and before we knew it, dinner was delayed.

Happiness returned at least temporarily as tomorrow was forgotten for the moment and soon, we were on our way to dinner. It was delicious, for sure, but neither of our minds were on food. We just wanted to get back to the motel room and drown ourselves in passion. We wanted to live like tomorrow didn’t exist.

Later that evening, reality returned. We clung to each other as we had a very serious talk. We talked into the wee hours of the morning about what had transpired in the last five days. We discussed how our relationship had definitely turned into something much more intense than we ever expected. He told me that he not only loved me, but was in love with me. He asked if I knew what that meant. I said, yes, but really, I didn’t understand the difference at the time. He mentioned that no one had ever treated him the way I did and that his life was turning around because of my love for him. He had learned so much from me each and every day. He had never known anyone with as much patience and kindness as I had.  For Jace*—- to be so vulnerable, so raw, took a lot of trust and effort for him. He had a wall up around his heart that you couldn’t break through with a sledge hammer. Referring to his prior life, Jace*—- would often say, “that he was the first living heart donor.”

In those five days we were able to recognize that the love we shared was a soul connection and much deeper than either one of us had ever experienced before. We feel asleep spooning with his arms wrapped around me, wishing for this moment to never end. Like our love, we felt as one.

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