Our Story from Start to Beyond the Grave: (67) He saw a very different side of me I’m afraid.

Things were coming along for Jace*—- and myself as we tried to work through insecurities as to if we could fix this thing, we once called love. Don’t get me wrong, I still loved Jace*—- with all my heart and soul, I knew that he was the one and no one would ever be able to take his place. But all that had been shown to me or so-called information dropped by Cletus had put serious doubts in my mind. I refused to go back to being hurt once again. I could still love him, and well, there was always the next lifetime. But I knew that I could never open myself to be hurt in the way that he had hurt me in the past. I could live, yes in sadness, but never the less, live with the love we shared before that fateful day for the rest of my life.   

This day we were going to the butte to fish. We are meeting Jace’s*—- friend James there. It’s kind of play by ear, we are to bring something to eat there, an ice chest of beer and perhaps even spending the night. All of those idea’s seem to be James. Well, ok, this is something new. Jace*—- and I were there first and set up our chairs to start a fun and peaceful day of throwing out the line. A short time later James came rolling up in his truck. I stay seated in the chair, hypnotized by the water lapping up on the shore, my thoughts a million miles away. The chatter continued behind me, but it seemed not very important to me. Before I knew it, Jace*—- came up behind me, putting his arms around me, leaning into my ear he whispered, “Babe, seems like plans have changed.” Alrighty then, I am down with that. We were going to barbeque at Jace’s*—-. So, we packed up our gear, James went off to buy some more beer, some vodka and snacks. We went to the store and bought some steaks and potatoes to bake. We rondeau back at the apartment. The food was on the grill and I was inside baking the potatoes, setting up for our dinner. I heard0 them coming up the stairs, steaks in hand. We enjoyed our meal. Jace*—- put some music on low and the conversation began. The boys were drinking the beer and I had the grand idea that I would drink screw drivers. I challenged them to a competition of drinking. I was talking big. Hey yay like I could drink them under the table. Understand please, I am as they say a total light weight when it comes to drinking. Two drinks and I’m ready to dance on the tables. Needless to say, very, very bad idea. After throwing about 3 drinks back, already slurring my words, my concerns was, “Hey how many drinks have you guys had? I’ve got keep up with you.” Jace*-told me I was way ahead of them, but I knew he was only telling me that. So, I asked James the same question. Then I heard Jace*—- telling James in a low voice, tell her that she’s a couple up on us. Silly man, thinking just because I was drunk that I couldn’t hear what he was saying. I paid no mind to what they said, and continued on with my so call win. Things were getting fuzzy by then. I heard James say in what now began to seem in a far away voice, I’ll go get some more beer. I glanced at the door through blurred vision to see him leave. I looked at Jace*— asking why weren’t we going along. He looked at me and said, “Babe, it’s best we stay here for now. You aren’t in any condition to be in public. I don’t want you going to jail for being drunk in public. Well, that was when every thing went to hell. I’m not proud of what happened next. It was a side of me that rarely appears for anyone to see. I walked into the bedroom, grumbling. I was in there for only a few minutes when I turned on my heels, (I’m surprised I didn’t fall on my rear end), walking to the doorway, I looked at Jace*—- and well let go of all the insecurities and anger that had been stored up inside of me since this whole thing came down. Especially, what had transpired since I had set foot in San Angelo this time. As I remember the words that flew out of my mouth went something like this, “I can feel that bitch’s energy all over this place. Is it really over? Did you sleep with her recently? Why the hell did you have me come here Jace*—- if you weren’t ready to really want to be together?” Jace’s*—- eyes got as big as saucers. As drunk as I was, I will never forget that look on his face. I saw a look that said, “What happened to my Cindy?” That’s Alcohol my friends. I’ve seen it in many others and there it was in myself. Jace*—- quickly explained that he was done with her. That he hadn’t slept with her recently. He asked me back because he knew he had made a big mistake. One that made him realized just how much he loved me and what he had thrown away. About that time James came back. Jace*—- sent him on his way.

That night he spent holding me in his arms till the next morning. Reassuring me that he loved me and that there was no one else. That he would never put our love in jeopardy ever again, because he would never, ever find another love like ours. I shed so many tears that night. I literally fall asleep crying in his arms. The next morning came way to early, along with it came a horrific hangover. Jace*—- had to go to work that day. I tried to get out of bed, but he could see the pain in me. He asked, “Wounded soldier?” He pet my head, gave me kiss and said, stay in bed babe. I will see you at lunch. I love you.

Lunch came what felt like 10 minutes later. My head was still pounding. I threw on a robe and went into the kitchen and made him a sandwich. Sitting on the couch, I walked over to him and handed him his lunch. I then bent down and whispered in his ear, “I’m sorry I was such an ass last night. Can you ever forgive me?” That’s when my Jace*—- was so his true self. The real Jace*—-. The one I loved more than I’ve ever loved another man. He looked at me with those beautiful eyes, full of love and said, “I’ve been thinking about it all day, babe. I’ve gone over it in my head endlessly. I realized that you just got a little rowdy. He laughed. I was waiting for your head to twirl around and for pea soup to come spilling out.” There he was forgiving me and making excuses for me. I told him that I would never drink again. He said, “Nah, Love. That’s not necessary. Just know that I can only corral you at best after 2 drinks.” What Jace*—- may never have realized while he walked this earth was, he had more influence over me than any other man ever had in my life. That was because of his love, my trust in him, and the bond we have had from almost the beginning. That day marked an even stronger love between us. One that continues to this day.

Next Time to go home. But we now know what we have a new beginning, even stronger than it was before.