We had been talking a lot about when we would be able to see each other again. We were really missing each other. We craved the closeness, the physical interaction. We loved our nightly conversations, but for me they didn’t replace his touch, his smile and those beautiful eyes. We had been throwing around ideas. Would I go see him in his home town of San Angelo? Would he come to Cali? We also talked about going to a destination together. Time would tell. I just hoped we will see each other soon.
Meanwhile Christmas was coming. In one of our conversations I asked him what was his favorite Christmas memory was. Jace*—- said it was when he was a little boy. He thought his age was around 4 or 5 years old. His Mom called him into a room and asked him if he would like to play with a present before she wrapped it. Of course, he said yes. It was a train. He loved the gift, but more than that, he loved that he got to spend time alone with her. To him, that was the real gift. That, to me spoke volumes about him.
I was excited about this Christmas. I couldn’t wait to go into the stores and pick out gifts for my Jace*—-. It had been a very long time since I had bought a man a gift. Luckily, it was easy to buy gifts for him. He appreciated everything. I guess you might say I went a bit crazy. I bought him ten gifts. I got him things like pajama’s, 12 specialty beers, books, gift cards and some hunting gear. I mailed out each gift, one at a time over the next two weeks. I wrapped each one in Christmas paper and sent them out in a separate box. He’d tell me during our nightly calls if he had received one of the gifts. Some of the boxes he would shake and try to guess its contents and sometimes his guesses were right. But what made me really happy was the excitement in his voice. His enthusiasm was that of a little boy. About a week before Christmas, Jace*—- called and in a small voice he said, “Hello Love, I have a confession to make.” My mind was working overtime, but somehow, I didn’t feel it was anything that would break my heart. I cautiously said, “Oh babe? Tell me what you need to say.” He preceded to tell me he couldn’t control himself and had opened all of the gifts he had gotten so far. Then he quickly said, “I love each and every one of them.” How could I be mad? He was so happy. Jace*—- never thought of himself as anything special. Many times, he said things that would enforce his negative feelings about himself. For example, like the Christmas gifts. He couldn’t fathom the idea that he deserved to receive them from me or anyone else for that matter. As if he was not important enough for someone to do that for him. We spent the rest of the call talking about how he was surprised that I knew just what he would want. He told me how he planned where he would use the gifts and he spoke of how he was going brag to his friends about what he had received. It made my heart sing to know how happy they made him.
He would wait patiently to open the rest of his gifts on Christmas day. For weeks afterwards he would let me know how he enjoyed his gifts. He would even tell me when he tried one of his specialty beers. Knowing how excited he was about his gifts; I could hardly wait until we would be able to spend each Christmas together. It would be wonderful to see the expressions on his handsome face.
That year, 2002, he told me he had bought me a gift, but would not send it through the mail. He wanted to make it sure I got it safely and wanted to see the expression on my face when I opened it. Of course, my mind always was questioning what it could possibly be. He never told me what it was until, I finally received it. He really knew how to keep a secret. I would receive it in 2003.
Unfortunately, I will make you wait until I write the actual entry for that special day.